My Thoughts on Japan

Two years later, I return to Bangkok, bookending my MBA career. The difference is last time I stayed in an un-airconditioned hostel with a communal shower, and this time, I'm staying in the Okura with an infinity pool. Curiously enough, my income is still $0, though at least there is a paycheck in my near future. I decided not to join my companions on the palace tour, because Bangkok has not changed in two years and is still as hot and musty as a locker room in the middle of August. That idiom is courtesy of the fact that I finally started watching Friday Night Lights on the plane from Tokyo. I've avoided it for years because I assumed it would make me extremely homesick, and I'd cry the entire time.

I cried the entire time. But how could I not? The hopeful young love, the raw aggression on the field, the shattered dreams, the seeming weight of the world on a child's shoulder, boys and girls amidst the throws of adolescent passions, community, in all its ups and downs, pros and cons. Indeed, it beckoned sweet nostalgia but not heartache for home. Arguably insignificant because it’s just a TV show, but I like to think it shows I'm finally ready to let go of my long-held idea that I will settle in Ohio.*

It doesn't hurt that Seattle is surrounded by magnificent mountains, and after spending a couple days in the Japanese Alps, it’s confirmed that I’ve evolved over the decades to prefer mountains to beaches.

The Japanese Alps were only one of the many beauties of Japan, though. The delicious, if sometimes very raw and overly gelatinous, cuisine, the deep respect for a rich heritage, the ornate shrines and castles. It was a joy. As I feel with all my travels, my strength is not relaying the actual experience. No one wants to read about the hand-prepared sushi with the perfect ratio of wasabi, the creative cocktails, or the historical sites. My strength lies in random, insignificant observations. Let's start with the Japanese positives, in no particular order:

1. Toilets. I lied. This is definitely numero uno. The Japanese and I have a mutual respect for the bathroom experience. It is not transactional. It is relational, a time to be rejuvenated. You know my thoughts. The running water, the floor-length doors. I hadn't considered heated seats, but I'm okay with it. Full disclosure, I didn't use the bidet because I wasn't entirely positive it wasn't toilet water that would be sprayed. You may think this is ridiculous, but if anyone can manage to get toilet water sprayed on their bum, it would be me. My one suggestion is the country create a consistent flush button, because I spent about ten seconds in each stall finding the flush button, and another two seconds hoping I hadn't accidentally pressed the button that sprayed toilet water in my face.

2. Bonsai trees. I'm not really sure how you bonsai a tree, but I think more prestigious homes in the US should have them. I will certainly incorporate them onto my grounds.

3. Teal cranes. They're so pretty! A nice deviation from construction orange.

4. Escalator etiquette. Dear everyone at every airport. You stand to the left, pass on the right. You do not sway aimlessly on your step, making it impossible for anyone in a rush to advance. The Japanese understand this.

5. Timeliness. And apologies for being late. I'm not saying Americans aren't timely, because this American is extremely prompt. I'd like to see it more, though, and I'd also like to give a shout out to Air Nippon who, after a ten-hour delay which was an annoyingly ridiculous amount of time to be delayed, gave us 100 dollars cash to compensate for our loss of time.

6. International sports streaming. Upon returning to the states, I plan on acquiring an international VPN so I can stream live sporting events via Reddit and save on cable/NBATV/RedZone/MLBTV.

Baseball. This is a neutral category where I merely observe the difference between the sport in the two cultures. First, they have the equivalent of high school bands supporting the teams, making the energy throughout the game palpable. Second, and more interesting, the drinks are being served by cute young ladies carrying mini kegs on their back. It's definitely cultural bias, but something about old men screaming, "Get your peanuts!" with raspy voices makes me prefer the MLB tradition. As a possible point of improvement, I was informed the chili dogs had lettuce underneath the hot dog, causing the dog to not be contained in the bun, and leading to potential disaster. Better to put all condiments on top of the dog. And, really, no one needs lettuce at a baseball game.

I do, as always, have a couple minor suggestions. Some constructive feedback if you will:

1. Airlines - be on time. Or know the length of the maintenance window, because getting delayed at 2-hour increments beginning at 1 in the morning does not instill confidence.

2. Kimonos. Don't get me wrong. I love kimonos and wearing them around Kyoto fulfilled one of my childhood dreams. However, I take minor issue with the corset that sucks in everything you have and the belt that makes you look two inches thicker than you are. I understand the culture does not want to show off the figure, but if that is the case, then tie the corset a little looser, so I can breathe.

3. Trash cans. Finding a trash can was like finding buried treasure but without a map. And while having vending machines at every corner is a treat, one is then holding on to the remnants for hours, searching hopelessly in shops, on street corners, in the kitchen of restaurants, for the elusive trash can. Maybe there’s a trash ninja known only to the local Japanese, because the streets are shockingly clean.

4. Gelatinous delicacies. I’m sorry. It’s just weird, and I can't support it.

Now that I've told you my thoughts, I'm going to relay them to the President and Emperor**, respectively. Before that, though, I'm going to watch Game 5 of the Easter Conference finals for free.


* At least for now.
** In my mind, Japan is still led by the Emperor.