Tuesday, May 26, 2015

We Are the Israelites

... Metaphorically speaking. Kind of.

Whole Foods sells Passover Matza when seasonally appropriate. It is covered with dark chocolate, almonds, glutinous sucrose - I don't even know what that means - and sea salt. Sixteen dollars a pound. I think Whole Foods gets the spirit of the season.

Today is my one year anniversary at VividCortex. I thought it appropriate to reflect. I have done some big things the last year including establishing myself as the best looking woman in the office and the smartest person in the marketing department, learning the difference between front end developers and backend developers and increasing my love for bacon.

Honestly, it's been hard.* Learning a new role in a new industry came with challenges. Being the only female and the only person dedicated to marketing proved more isolating than I anticipated. Who do I talk to when someone ticks me off? Or when I want to admire Apple's or Gatorade's marketing approach? Or when I can't decide what color to paint my toenails? The answer has become everyone - much to their dismay at times, I am sure.

More than that, though, this job was the latest in a seemingly endless transition in Charlottesville, during which I sometimes feel as though I am swimming through tar to make life work. So this post will be a reflection on that rather than the steps taken in my illustrious career. Rest easy, though, I can assure you I am closer to taking over the world than I was a year ago.

Earlier this year, I revisited the Old Testament for the first time since 3rd grade Sunday school with Mr. Pitrone - a class in which I learned more about Greek roots than I would my entire life. Twenty years later, I find the story of the Israelites' exodus from Egypt and journey to the Promised land less abstract and more relatable. The story is incredible and the lessons abound, but I will keep my extraction relatively brief.

We will join the Israelites immediately after Pharaoh releases them from captivity, and they begin to wander the desert. As a sidenote, I thought it fascinating that it is not until after God parts the Red Sea and destroys Pharaoh's army that the Israelites put their trust in Him. Really, dudes? The gnats and the frogs and the hail and the firstborn dying were not enough? Then again, how often is God so clearly working in front of us, but we are too stubborn to recognize His power? Okay... To the desert.

The thing is, they weren't really wandering. They were deliberately traveling, and God was leading the entire time. "Neither the pillar of cloud by day nor the pillar of fire by night left its place in front of the people." Beyond that, though, there was a reason God was taking His time. In Exodus 23, God spoke to Moses, "See. I am sending an angel ahead of you to guard you along the way and to bring you to the place I have prepared... to drive the Hivites, Canaanites and Hittites out of your way. But I will not drive them out in a single year, because the land would become desolate and the wild animals too numerous for you. Little by little I will drive them out before you, until you have increased enough to take possession of the land."

In a world of instant gratification and entitlement, this is both convicting and comforting. I often envision myself as a little girl, tugging on the robe of God - velvet, with gold and silver bling - crying, "I'm ready for this. You promised this, and I'm ready for it." Whatever this may be. He graciously answers, "you think you are ready, but if I gave it to you now, you would be overcome. Let's continue our deliberate traveling as I lead you.*" My response can either be: "Alright, Lord. Let's roll," or "I kind of feel like going back to Egypt. Slavery wasn't so bad.*"

It is easy to become disgruntled in the desert, and easier still to forget God's faithfulness in the past. But if we are open to His calling, know that He is leading us, and further recognize that we are not ultimately living for an earthly kingdom, the journey becomes more peaceful and fulfilling, even if it is still hard.

There is one other aspect of the Exodus I really enjoyed this time around, and that was the specifications of the tabernacle. Though admittedly, I still found the nearly six chapter explanation a bit excessive, I had a fresh appreciation for God's attention to detail. God cares deeply about the intricacies of our craft, as well as the intricacies our life.

Maybe Charlottesville is my desert. Maybe it will also be my Promised land, or maybe that will lie elsewhere. I do believe, though, that retrospectively, my time here will be part of a detailed picture of God's goodness. And at least in my desert, there is chocolate covered Matza and Sportscenter.

* I know, I know, I think a lot of things are hard.
* Doo-doo doo-doooo. That's my deliberate traveling tune.
* No, Anna, don't be an idiot. Disobedience often leaves you chilling in the desert longer.

Sunday, May 3, 2015

How I Rocked the GMAT


I couldn't help myself. But for real now...

Hebrews 11:6 "But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him." When I was a ten year old zealot, I resolved to put a different Bible verse on a note card every month and memorize a multitude of Scripture. I would be a regular concordance. This verse was my first and last note card, and I have seen it in my mirror every day since. Better than nothing, I suppose.

I have been wanting to write this for awhile, but alas, the months have been moving at a seemingly reckless pace. After taking the GMAT, I spent a couple weeks traveling with the youth group and work. More to be written about those later, but for now - the GMAT. I am done. No more studying. No more waking up at five o'clock in the morning. I no longer live in a sea of books, and my Saturdays are open to do with as I please.

I began studying because I believed God told me to do so, and I asked that He would bless it. In January, I looked at what lay before me between studying, work and life in general, and I could not overcome my exhaustion. I questioned how I was going to have the strength and discipline to dedicate myself to studying, and my answer was, per usual, found in Him.

"Be anxious for nothing, but in all things, through prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God... And your God will supply all your needs." I saw that provision in different ways, from new friendships to encouragement and support from steady friendships to a community group that has been challenging and uplifting. These were not necessarily the provisions I would have chosen, but in retrospect, they were exactly what I needed.

A month before the exam, my family began emailing our prayer requests to one another. I have come to very much enjoy this habit, as it is a great way to keep up with the goings-on of family members around the globe. Plus, any time Don and Nance are praying, I believe the odds of answers are greater. I responded to the chain and began submitting the request that I would get over a 700, because 1) that score would likely get me into a solid program 2) I knew I was capable of that and 3) if I asked for something higher and did not achieve it, that meant disappointment and failure.

As I was typing, I heard a small voice of conviction say, "Don't limit Me based on your skills and comfort level. Don't ask for something you know you can achieve on your own. That is not faith. That is weak. Ultimately, this is not about you. It is about Me and what I choose to do through you. Trust that. Ask for something you know you cannot achieve without Me, and allow Me to be glorified through you when you achieve it."

That was the gist of it, at least. I hit backspace a couple times and changed my sentence: I would like a 750. I told my family and my church, and I prayed for that.

The more I grow, the more I encounter the cyclical nature of a relationship with God. Depending on the day and my mood, this can be encouraging, frustrating or both. It seems to be a cycle of obeying, asking, giving and trusting. Obeying his call. Asking for what you know is only possible through Him. Giving those desires to Him. And trusting that He will do what is best for you and for the advancement of His kingdom.

There are plenty of areas still progressing through this cycle, but the GMAT cycle has closed. When I finished the test, hit submit, held my breath, and saw 750 on the screen, I gasped. I knew only one thing. That score was not mine. That was God's.

The funny thing is, I do not know what He is going to do with the GMAT, but the least I can do is encourage anyone who will read my ramblings that He will do more with your desires than you will. For me, this was a good reminder that God is real. He is faithful. And He rewards those who diligently seek Him.