On Being Chosen

When I first moved to Charlottesville, I had a crush on a coworker. Then I found out he was moving. Of course he was, because that's how it goes. But I still had a crush on him. Obviously nothing happened, and there was no reason for anything to happen - we were in two completely different cities, and my life in Charlottesville was just beginning. Still, when I saw on Facebook* that he had a girlfriend, I was sad. As I chatted with my roommate, trying to articulate the reason, I struggled. It wasn't because I was in love with him. It wasn't because I was lonely.

I was upset because he didn't choose me.

The single life has its highs and lows. Some days, you're empowered and plan to take over the world. Others, you enjoy the freedom to do whatever you would like. And others, you question why you haven't been chosen, feeling as if you're the last one waiting to be picked in gym class, and you don't know why.* You have a decent jump shot and you're pretty quick on defense. But there you are. Staring at the two captains, wondering, "What am I doing wrong?"

I think everyone wants to be chosen. Whether it's a job, a volunteer position, a relationship. And it sucks when you're not.

Then I think about Easter and the intensity of God's love. Tomorrow is Palm Sunday, the day that Jesus rode into Jerusalem, humbly on a donkey. His love for us - for me - took Him to the cross less than a week later, bruised and beaten, even as people believed He was a fraud. He took my sin, my faults, my insecurities to the grave in grace. When He rose on Easter Sunday, He made a way for me to have an eternal relationship with Him that permeates not only this life, but also the next.

In my darkest moments, staring at the team captains, wondering why I'm still not chosen, He reminds me that I was.

I bargain with God before I write posts like this, because sometimes I feel silly doing so. I mean, I'm 28 years old. How have I not figured this out yet? Why do I make the same mistakes? And why do I have to share it with the ten people who read my blog? I've already told all of them, anyways. So I use various excuses to justify my silence.

Last Sunday, God and I were having such a conversation in church, and I told Him, "I can't write this post because I don't have a good accompanying verse. I need a good accompanying verse." And moments later, the preacher quoted John 15:16: "You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit--fruit that will last--and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you."

Thank you, Jesus. I'm so grateful You did.

* Stupid Facebook.
* Unless it's volleyball, because I'm terrible at volleyball.