1) God does not call us to convenience. He calls us to His purpose, and He equips us to do it. 2) Miracles do not occur within the comfortable. They occur when we need Him. 3) God is faithful. Always. And finally, God hasn't forgotten about ten-year-old Anna. There is still time for those dreams to come true, too, even if it is not yet.
What a five-and-a-half years it has been. I have seen God's faithfulness woven throughout, and He always seems to surprise me. For instance, when I said, I won't go into tech, and I won't move to the West Coast, He said, you will work at Amazon, and you will move to Seattle.
Even during 2020, a year that is forgettable in many ways, He blessed me with this wonderful man I'm going to marry. The church Vance and I attend together is the answer to a decade of prayers for a church with like-minded people where I can sow and see fruit. It's awakened a new desire to lead within the church at whatever capacity God calls me to do so. We've been blessed with so many new friendships with strong Christians who are walking the same path we are walking, encouraging us, loving us, and pushing us to grow along the way.
John 10:10 says, “the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but I have come to give life, and to give life abundantly.” To me, abundance is being able to look at your life and see God's goodness, and everywhere I look this year, I see God's goodness, regardless of the world’s chaos. From the weddings of business school classmates to a bachelorette party with friends from all stages of life to Christmas parties with our church family to scavenger hunts with my nieces and nephews, I see the beautiful narrative He has continued the past half-decade.
His latest surprise was probably the sweetest, though. Last November, when Vance was hesitant to visit my family for Christmas, I told him, "Just come. They're cool, you're cool, and even if we break up, I think you'd really like meeting them." The week we returned to Seattle, Vance told me he wanted to move to Ohio and be with my family. He had just spent a week eating my mom's delicious cookies, sitting on the coziest of green couches and watching endless home videos, and staring out the window to the winter wonderland and white Christmas. I brushed it off as one of those urges I always have when I get back from a week at home with family. After all, God has never actually called me back home, so why would He now? To be honest, I had buried that desire a bit, as I didn’t want to be disappointed when it didn’t happen. Plus, why would anyone from Hawaii ever move to Ohio? I forgot God’s sense of humor.
The coming months, as we got engaged (bt-dubs, the family trip home worked its magic and convinced Vance he wanted to marry me), planned a wedding, and continued investing in Seattle, his longing for Ohio didn't seem to go away, but neither did my love for this church and the community we were building. I began leading the youth program, spoke a time or two – which was exciting because normally I just give speeches in my vehicle to the dashboard - and was continually encouraged by their desire to bring Christ to Seattle. Our friends were so wonderful, and our time with them just seemed too short. I didn’t want to run from Seattle, and sometimes, there are certainly reasons to want to run. For instance, this week we went downtown and a man was ransacking a Target, from tearing down the security cameras to throwing everything off the shelves. I digress. Back to moving. Finally, I wasn't really convinced he would love living in Chardon. I mean, I loved it, but it is much different than any place he has ever lived.
In all my thinking and reasoning and pontificating, I felt God ask me: "Anna, are you letting Vance lead you and trusting that I am leading Him?" Hmmm, I thought. Well, I'm not sure. I mean, you've always led me, and I know what that looks like. But maybe I'm resisting a bit, and maybe I should stop. It was then that I told Vance that we would live where he decided, and I would be fully supportive. In this way, I was submitting to where God led him.
Vance continued the interview process with a position in Ohio and visited my family without me, at which point I realized that maybe he did love the town for what it is – a tight-knit community where life is simple yet full. We asked for prayer from those closest to us, and I asked specifically that if we were supposed to be in Ohio, I would be able work at Amazon remotely without having to interview for a new position. I didn't really feel like interviewing, and I find God likes specific requests. Sometimes God takes time to answer prayers, and sometimes it’s the same day. In this case, it was the latter, and I will start a new role in January in an org that supports remote work. As a single woman, I had a difficult time grasping the concept of the man being the head of the household. I had this idea that God would suddenly forget about me, and I’d have to sacrifice based on where God led the man. To the contrary, though, He has used Vance to show me that He never forgot about ten-year-old Anna.
My favorite Christmas hymn is O Holy Night, and I normally love the line, "a thrill of hope, a weary world rejoices." This year, however, the line, "long lay the world, in sin and error pining, til He appeared and the soul felt it's worth," has rung particularly true. The past year and a half, my soul has pined for Christ in a way that it hasn't before as it has become clear so much that we take for granted is not guaranteed. The past year and a half, my soul has also felt its immense worth. It's a very intimate feeling - a feeling that God is looking at you, and only you, and saying, "I see you. I've always seen you. In your darkest moments, in your doubt, in your sorrow and your joy, I have been there every moment. I never looked away. I know the desires of your heart, and they are safe with me, because I love you more than anyone else will ever love you, and more than you can ever imagine. And you think this is great - just keep trusting me, and see what I will do."
Twenty twenty-two has much to look forward to. A wedding, a honeymoon, praying for a house in Ohio so we don’t overstay our welcome with my generous parents – although my mom does love Vance’s cleanliness - new jobs. In that, there will certainly be some discomfort as well. We’re leaving a community that has become family, figuring out how to live together, communicate, and share a life, and transitioning to a new home. During those moments, I will remind myself of the same truths: God does not call us to convenience. Miracles do not happen within the comfortable. God is faithful always. And finally, God never forgets about us. And with Him, the best is always yet to come.
