Happy Birthday, Stephen! What Do You Think about This?

Hi there, Stephen. Happy belated! I'm late again, but at least this year, I'm writing in the appropriate month. I'm writing from Mom and Dad’s, a land flowing with toilet paper and cleaning supplies. I spent the last week playing Pandemic with Phil and his wife, attempting to save the world, and watching the Lord of the Rings trilogy to put our current situation in perspective. Sure, I worked a long week at Amazon, but that was the third most stressful part of my week. Pandemic is an intense game. Tensions were high. And I now have an irrational hatred of Johannesburg, because it’s really inconvenient to cure.

Yes, I flew home. One may think that I’m skirting my social responsibility in the era of the new normal to flatten the curve by social distancing during these uncertain times. Boom. Buzz word bomb. To them I say, I understand your concern, but I think it's best for the world I am home with family, because there's no telling what scheme I would concoct if I were alone in my apartment for another week. Those walls were getting weird, and I may have committed a crime just to be in a cell and feel the hot, stinky breath of another human.

I don’t know if you’ve been watching from up there, and I hope you haven’t because there are so many cooler things to explore, but the world’s weird right now. I’ve had so many questions. For instance:

Why didn’t I preemptively secure a quarantine boyfriend?
Who have I rejected that could be a quarantine boyfriend?
Who has rejected me who I could convince to be my quarantine boyfriend?
You think that homeless guy is single?
Why was I just rejected by a homeless guy? This is a new low.
Why is six feet the magic number? Why not five or seven? Does anyone else feel like they’re Pigpen from Charlie Brown comics with a cloud of dust around them?
Woah. Does Italy have a healthcare system?
Will the stock market dive or soar today? Is the stock market a schizophrenic falcon?
Am I in a subpar Black Mirror episode?
Can we get rid of social media? But keep the memes? And have an awards ceremony similar to the Oscars to reward the memes?
Can we get to 2021 so we can do a fascinating retrospective? One prediction based on absolutely no scientific knowledge: post re-integration, unexpected pregnancies of single adults sky rocket
What’s going to be the buzz word for re-integration? Social integrating? Social blending? Social exploring? Social testing? Social dabbling? By the way, I’ve trademarked all these terms.

Okay. I’m done. You get it. Stephen, what is going on? I’ve had so many questions in the past six weeks, but when I consider what really matters, it’s this: how do I address fear?

Yes, my heart goes out to those who have lost loved ones or are concerned about loved ones, but honestly, I see losing loved ones as a natural part of life - one that, however sad, I am accustomed to. I understand how to grieve that loss, and I know that when the time comes for me to die, I will be reunited with you. I don’t mean to belittle those who have that fear in this situation, but it’s just not mine.

What hurts my heart is it seems a certain joy has been suspended in the world. Streets that once bustled are eerily quiet, a palpable tension in the air. People look at one another with suspicion. Strangers don't smile when they hear my loud laugh. And you know I love to laugh. I'm not quite sure how to grieve that loss, even if it is temporary. Though my fear is not death, if I allow my thoughts to wander, I, too, will venture down the path of fear. I think about lost jobs, broken families, failed businesses, depression, anxiety, suicides, the power of government and of disease. Then I scroll through memes to distract myself. And then I think about Jesus.

A verse I have clung to for years is 1 John 4:18: "There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear." What is a perfect love? And what does it look like to live without fear? Mary Magdalene was a prominent woman in the gospels of the New Testament. Before Jesus entered her life, she was possessed by demons, living a life of shame, prostitution, abuse. Her life was without purpose. She was lost, broken, alone. And then Jesus came to her. He sought her and rescued her. When no one knew who she truly was, He called her by name and invited her to follow Him.

After Jesus’ death, the other disciples went to their homes, hiding in fear, as they expected the Romans would crucify them next. Though Jesus had promised He would rise on the third day, in their fear, they had forgotten that promise. He had not established a kingdom as they expected, and they were doubtful of His sovereignty. But Mary waited by His tomb. She clung to Jesus’ promises because she knew His love for her so intimately, and she knew that whatever was in this world, it paled in comparison.

“The thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy,” and right now, it is all too obvious. He wants to steal our joy, kill those close to us, either through death or disagreement, destroy our hope. It is easy to doubt the sovereignty of God as we look at brokenness of the world. But there is a promise in the same breath: “I have come that they may have life, and might have it abundantly.” That life is not in this world, but in yours, Stephen.

It can certainly be hard to have perspective. We live in a culture of sound bites. The perspective that matters though, doesn’t revolve around sound bites. Very simply, it revolves around Jesus. He is the One who calls us by name in our utter brokenness and promises us a life abundant, which is something we will never get on this earth. And when we try to control this world, He gently says, no, this world is not yours, it is mine. He is no stranger to history. He has been steadfast in the past, He remains steadfast now, and He will be steadfast for eternity. Outside of Jesus, the world is hopeless. The world is uncertain. But with Jesus, there is certainty.

There’s something about home, Stephen. It’s just so nice. It’s peaceful, and maybe it’s because whenever I come to visit, I never do anything, so quarantining here feels quite natural, but it’s safe, reassuring. I’m so grateful that in all of this, I am able to work remotely, I have a family who I enjoy spending time with, and when this lifts, my life will likely return to what it was. I don’t take for granted that others are not that fortunate. More than that, though, I’m so grateful that Jesus came to me, in my brokenness, my shame, my life without purpose, and He called me by name and asked me to follow him, promising a life abundant. Did he call me Anna or Ana? Good question. That’s between Him and me, but he did call me. Stephen, I’m excited for the day I get to really meet you. I’m also excited for what God has to do with me on earth and how He can use the current environment to reveal Himself, because as silly as this world can be sometimes, it is a small picture of something greater that God has prepared for us. And, friend, while it is undoubtedly broken, it is still so beautiful.