My Personal Mecca

Grocery shopping has always been a cathartic experience for me. I walk through the automatic doors as a Jedi walks into another dimension, entering a universe where the biggest obstacle is deciding the variety of peanut butter, chips, yogurt, or paper towels. With that said, I will not downplay the magnitude of such decisions, as the process often involves much analysis.

However, as of late, I have dreaded all errands, especially because we just received January's bills and a bit of my soul is lost with every swipe of my credit card. Additionally, I have yet to find a time when Charlottesville's grocery stores are not bustling with carts just wide enough to make maneuvering through the aisles impossible. This weekend, I am happy to say, our passion for one another was renewed, possibly even deepened.

I went to Barracks shopping center at 9 o'clock, early enough to justify a mocha. I approached the magic doors. My spirits warmed, I entered the store and my trip began as it always does, with an inward battle as to whether or not I should commit to eating more fruits and vegetables. About the time I decided to select a couple apples and peppers, the caffeine began circulating rapidly, and I decided to add another dimension to my mission - frugality. Determined to maximize my cost to produce efficiency, I began.

There are a couple strategic lessons I learned, and I think it would be to your benefit if I shared them.

First, green peppers are cheaper than red and orange, but it is not just because the unusual vegetable colors are aesthetically appealing in an otherwise bland salad. Green peppers are actually unripened and therefore have a longer shelf life, which makes them less desirable. With apples, however, I believe the price is based on the sexual association of the name, which is why I had to purchase the Granny Smith rather than the Golden Delicious.

B: Drink organic milk. The expiration date is always a month later than processed milk; plus, you can feel environmentally conscious.

Third, you can freeze almost anything. If the grocery store can sell you frozen vegetables, then you can certainly capitalize on the two for one packaged deli turkey deal and freeze one of the two.

D: Another step the grocers take to guide sojourners is marking each product with a per ounce/per each price. Therefore, the cereal companies who gradually shrink their boxes do not exploit the naive consumer. You do, however, have to squint to take advantage of said values, so it is probable that individuals do not expend that much energy.

There are, however, caveats to this helpful tip, which nearly cost me an extra ten cents. I was meandering through the laundry detergent section, and while two detergents were 16.7 cents per ounce, after further calculating, one was 16.76 cents. This is a genius move on the part of Tide, because if there is one lesson I learned from Office Space, it is that decimals matter. Additionally, if the product does not have a per ounce price, it is probably just too expensive to be sitting on my cupboard.

Finally - and I realize this may seem contradictory to my former point about cereal boxes - NEVER sacrifice price for quality on cereal. Every other item is negotiable, but on this point, there is no compromise. Cereal is the foundation of every day, and whether it is Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Apple Cinnamon Cheerios, or even that unusually healthy granola about which adults rave, it needs to be of the highest quality.

After I spent an hour wandering pointedly about the establishment, with the occasional mental lapse due to an inspiring song chosen by the highly esteemed grocery store DJs, I walked to the register, anxious to see my overall savings. Of course, I was also distracted by the multitude of candy, gadgets, and gismos near the register. After I added chap stick, gum, a cookies and cream bar, batteries, lighters and nail clippers, the clerk began tallying my merchandise.

I am happy to say I had final savings of twenty dollars. However, since most of the deals were two for one, I have to go eat my plethora of peppers, sausage, salmon, hummus and bread before my hard earned savings spoil.