Monday, January 8, 2018

What's Hard about the MBA

Spoiler: It's not the academics. Grades really don't matter.

I shouldn't be here. It's the first day of classes, Follies, the annual MBA comedy show I have no business producing, is in two weeks, and I still need to fix my phone. But it's the New Year, and I have yet to stop by. Truth is - I've been avoiding you. I could say it's because all my creative energies last quarter went to writing for the aforementioned show. I could say the past two months flew by between work and holiday. And those would be partially true, but the real reason is that every time I sit down to write, I don't know how to say what I need to say. I have an hour before class, though, I put away all electronics and email, and I'm going to write.

What's hard about grad school - for me, and I'm sure for others - is the temporality. Fifty-six weeks, to be exact. And during that time, you're consumed with group projects, recruiting events, section events, club meetings, out of town commitments, spouses, partners, family, obligations outside of school. It's a whirlwind of parties and bar tabs and social gatherings that you may or may not get invited to, where you have the same conversations. It's talking about recruiting, internships, jobs, traveling. And you have to be happy, because, man, this isn't real life, and we're the future leaders of the world who are going to be making six figures and half a mil in five years, and our lives are great, and this Snap story is hilarious, and we can just laugh at the stupid decisions we make because we're all going to be gone in a few months anyways, but sometimes you want to break down and tell someone how alone you feel. Or how it all feels superficial. Or that, today, you're really sad. Which I did a time or two, and those friends were very gracious and didn't call me an emotional basket case which would have been totally justified.

And once you get a job you're in this weird purgatory between returning to your adult life and starting fresh - which is very exciting for someone who likes investing in the place they live - and finishing this brief transition period. It can be hard to motivate yourself to invest in new relationships, though it's worth it when you do, because there are amazing people that are deeper than a $1000 bar tab at Skeeps and a dance party at Rick's.* So for anyone, particularly MBA students, who looks at social media or listens to conversations and thinks everyone around has it together, know that I don't.** Frankly, I think most who claim to have it together are full of it. But I'm working on it. I'm starting a women's Bible study, I'm seeking friendships with new people, strengthening current ones, and ignoring idiots. And I'm going to cook dinner for people more this semester.

I started this post writing about the other factors in my life that made last quarter particularly hard. I wanted to justify my emotions to the readership so you didn't think I was a basket case. But, ultimately, those factors don't matter. There are always going to be hardships that you have to choose to overcome, while continuing to invest in wherever you are and whatever you are doing. With that, I'm going to go prepare for Winter A. I'll be back to recap the winners and losers of 2017 with a better sense of humor next week.

* Though let's be honest - Rick's is amazing.
** I mean, seriously, I cried multiple times writing this, though I blame the emotion on jet lag.

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