How Should the Privileged Address Racism?

First, stop using the term privileged.

This post began as a rant. I then erased the rant, let my thoughts marinate, and prayed that from them, something constructive would come. So here goes.

I was reading the book Quiet the other week. And by reading, I mean listening to the audio version. The author delves into the merits of being introverted, and to a certain audience, these points could be convicting, invigorating, or validating. It certainly contains truths. But it bothered me - and not because I am an extrovert. It bothered me because the purpose of the book was to remove the stigma associated with being introverted, but in the process, it stigmatized extroverts.

It used to be that I was a white female relating to a black male. And that could be hard. Now, I'm a privileged, extroverted, white female relating to an underprivileged, introverted, black male. I'm single. He's married. I'm Christian. He's atheist. I'm a Cleveland* fan. He's a Boston fan. The list goes on... Not only is that harder - it seems like a giant step backwards.

It's not courageous to say, "I’m privileged, I can’t relate, but man, someone else needs to do something about it." And, quite often, when we say someone else, we mean institutions. We mean the government.

But discrimination is institutionalized. Forget the matter of responsibility. How ignorant are we to assume the institution is capable of solving discrimination when that's where it was created?

So who solves it? I've spent the last year at a tech startup, and the idea of DevOps is permeating the community. Essentially, DevOps is implemented through removing silos and having the various IT segments communicate with one another,* often beginning as a grass roots movement. The macro-level change begins with micro-level change.

Grass roots is not a foreign concept, but if the change is supposed to start at the bottom - with us - how does that look?

First, we remove the stigmas in our own lives. We can not control how others perceive us, but we completely control how we perceive ourselves. We will be able to help others so much more if we know who we are - our strengths, weaknesses, insecurities, motivators, desires.

Then, we shift our focus. The problem with statements such as, "I am privileged," is that they keep the focus on ourselves. Instead of settling for statements that are ultimately divisive, we need to work to understand and love others. Not the easy love, but the love that invests. The love that encourages, supports and empathizes, but also recognizes right and wrong, and pushes others to own their future.

Throughout building these relationships, it is important to recognize commonalities. There are so many people in my life of all races who have fought battles that I pray I never face. But we are not competing to determine who has the hardest life. We are fighting together to live this life the best way we can, striving to make an impact in some way. At times, that gets really messy, but we are fighting. And that's worth something.

Some reading this may understandably assume: this is easy for you to say - you’re privileged, extroverted, and white. You've always been confident and smart, and if there was a competition for hardest life, you would definitely be losing. It's exactly because of that this is hard to say. And it's scary. It's scary because people will judge it. And some may agree, but it will suck when others don't. Most of all, it's scary because I care so much about this, I may some day be called to do something scarier than write a blog post that twenty people will read.

Speaking of quiet, it is times like this, at four o'clock in the morning when I can't sleep and my heart is pounding, that I wish I would just shut up. Instead, here I am, speaking.

What am I saying? Stop creating stigmas. Remove them instead. Actively fight the tendency to judge others, but also, don't assume they are judging you. Be open to the possibility that people you would never expect are able to relate to you.

Engage in a meaningful way. It is good to want change and engage, but if the extent of that engagement is throwing around buzz words and jumping on the latest hashtag bandwagon, you are not part of the solution. Because as powerful as social mediums are, change still happens on a personal level. So this is me, making it personal.

* Admittedly, there are times I believe no one understands the plight of the Cleveland sports fan.
* I know - shocking that software engineers took so long to see the value in communication.