"Come with me," he said. I was walking home from a Tuesday night waitressing shift, sweaty and exhausted. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. I had moved to Charlottesville two years before, and I was supposed to love my job, thrive, find someone, and pave a very clear path to my illustrious future. Instead, I had left my job because I wasn't challenged, and I had started working at a local restaurant. The hours were long, my feet were tired, and I wondered what I was doing with this love I had for working hard and creating.
The bartender was eccentric. He was magnetic, sarcastic, and had all the wisdom and charm that came with years of bartending across states, cities, and locales. He had stories for days, and a dangerous ability to mix one drink that would make you question your tolerance. He was the man who saw me breaking down in the alley behind the restaurant and told me that no one and nothing deserved my tears. More importantly, though, he had the key to get to the front row. He was having a smoke as I walked by. Though I was hesitant at first, it's not hard to convince me to sneak into a show, even if I've never heard a song from the band.
"Follow me," he said, as he grabbed three beers. One for me, one for him, and one for the bouncer keeping hooligans from creeping to the front. It was surprisingly easy, though. He gave the beer to the bouncer, wiggled his way through a person or two, and there we were. Front row. Watching artists play with all their heart, immersed in the moment. A weight was lifted. I wasn't worried about the future, where I would be in ten years, or what I would do. For two hours, we jumped, we danced, we shouted, we were transported to another world.
I've been to countless shows over the years, and after that concert, I never listened to Mute Math again. But it was magical. Music has this mysterious power to melt away every little thought on the back of your mind and make you ecstatic about both the present and the prospects of the future.
I haven't written in awhile, and I want you to know I think about you all the time. Every day, really. A silly thought comes to mind, and I know you'd laugh. But every time I sit down to write, I just can't do it. I used to write about things like the number of burger combinations you could create at Boylan Heights or which fruit each month would be. Then I took a job at a startup. I studied for the GMAT, applied to grad school, travelled, got an internship, got a job. What fantastic material to include in a blog. What now?
It's real life. I don't have a momentous update. I go to work every day. I may go to a happy hour, and then I come home. I'm still single. I haven't gotten a dog. What next?
For starters, I'm learning patience.
With myself. There are so many aspects I know I can improve, but I'm continually learning to appreciate that one fault I've tempered, that one area I've grown.
With others. People have different priorities at different stages in life, and just because you aren't at the top of their priority list now doesn't mean they wouldn't drop everything if they knew you really needed them.
With dating. I went on a really great couple dates with a guy who checked the proverbial boxes. Then, he faded, and for probably the first time, it didn't affect me. After years, I have reached the point that if a guy isn't itching to see me at the beginning, he's not worth my mental space. That's a bigger step than I'd like to admit.
With God. This is always the hardest, but all I have to do is look at my life between that concert and now to know that He has this really neat plan for my life that I couldn't paint if I tried.
Real life definitely has its perks. A consistent paycheck is one of them. Weekends are another, and I've been using every chance I can to explore the beauty of this part of the country and spending time with the wonderful people I'm blessed to call friends.
I went to a weekday concert the other night for the first time in Seattle. Passion Pit at the Sodo Showbox. I'm at a very different stage. I have an MBA, a job in which I can make an impact, however small, adult furniture. But I'd be lying if I said those thoughts from years ago don't still creep from time to time. What's next? What is the most valuable thing I could be doing? How do I grow the most? How do I make the biggest impact? Will I ever be near family? Will I find someone?*
We weren't in the front row, but the energy was vibrant. Somewhere in the middle of 'Take a Walk', as I jumped around, in what I'm sure was rhythmless dance, and bumped into the children making out next to me, all those questions melted away, and I remembered the pure magic of music.
The only difference was, I woke up real tired the next morning.
*I hate saying that's a thought, but it is, so screw it, I gotta say it.
Wednesday, May 15, 2019
Sunday, January 6, 2019
To 2019: The Year of Ana
The first weekend of 2019! It's Sunday morning, the sun has yet to rise, and I am nearly recovered from the holidays. They were wonderful. I spent Christmas with my sister and her family in Jamaica* and New Years in Charlottesville. It was lovely to catch up with old friends, meeting new babies and fiances, getting tours of new homes, dancing, laughing. I cherished every second. The best part, though, was, I didn't miss any of it in the way I normally do, and I was excited to come back. For someone who cares deeply about home, my favorite part of 2018 is that after a short time, I'm happy to call Seattle home. Additionally, my high school nick name is still a secret, I have yet to lock myself out of my apartment, and after the re-branding to Ana is complete, the company name can be changed to either Annazon or Amazana. We cannot rest on these laurels, though. We must look forward to 2019, and with that, here are some goals:
1. Moonlight. By contract, I'm not allowed to have a second source of income, so this will be pro bono. Office ping pong lessons. I already have one client, and it's great. I feel like I'm teaching tennis again, running drills: "crosscourt, crosscourt, down the line. Now go for the kill!" I'm currently accepting students for spring sessions.
2. Ride the bus. Not the drinking game. The actual bus. When the commute is over a mile, I default to Lyft, because it's easy and saves a bit of time. Plus, after mastering the New York subway, I'm slightly intimidated by the bus system. However, I don't need to spend ten dollars to get somewhere when I could get there for free. This resolution began yesterday. The bus was an eclectic bunch, and when a group of lively elderly folks hopped on, the guy beside me informed me he "had too many mushrooms for this bus ride." To which I responded, "Or maybe, it was the perfect amount." We were both going to watch the Seahawks, though he's been on too many hallucinogens this year to follow the team. He told of the merits of DMX - or DSW - or some acronym with a D. Apparently, it was the drug Moses was smoking (consuming?) on the top of the mountain when he brought down the Ten Commandments, and the drug our body ejects as we die which causes people who are revived to reference an out-of-body experience. He suggested I try. I laughed at the ridiculousness of the situation. He gave me his number. And there's my dating update, everyone. I'm pumped to ride the bus; I think I'll get some great material.
3. Don't look at page views of my blog posts. It's easy to do, especially since my default page is the stats page, but I find it affects my perception of what I wrote. For inquiring minds, blogs about dates get a lot more page views. I'm not writing this for anyone else, though. I'm writing for myself - and for the entire world when I eventually turn all these musings into a book.
4. Protest. Seems like the Seattle thing to do. My feud with Whole Foods rages on, so I think they will be my target despite the association with my current employer. The first time I didn't receive a bag with a handle, I excused it as poor operational efficiency. Little did I know it was part of a grander scheme to remove all handles from bags in the express lanes. I know what you're thinking: don't use the express lanes when your cart has fifty items or bring your own recyclable bags. That's not the point. The point is, if you are going to charge me $5/apple, then I want handles on every side of the bag. I want handles in places I didn't even know there could be handles. Even Walgreens has handles on its bags, but Whole Foods is trying to save fractions of a penny by removing handles in a store location that serves people in downtown Seattle, the majority of whom have to walk back to their homes, cradling their bags as if they were babies. My sign's going to read, "This sign would be a lot more difficult to hold without a handle."
5. Swipe less. Up, down, left, right. I find my phone is often a means to pass idle time in a completely unproductive manner, and while I love a good barstoolsports humiliating video, it adds very little to my life. I think there is something to be said for the ability to be quiet and still, without any sort of stimulation. Plus, I have plenty of thoughts to occupy that time.
6. Create Anna's favorite things. Amazon has a featured section called Oprah's favorite things. How is Oprah's opinion still relevant? In the past twenty years, has no one been able to establish a more credible sense of taste than Oprah? Maybe she was relevant during the cupcake craze of '05, but come on. Even that I find hard to believe, because I could have told you cupcakes were good when I was ten. Then Oprah says, "the ratio of icing to cake is appropriate (duh) and people believe she's discovered something revolutionary."
To her credit, she's clearly very good at branding, and could I do much better? Let's try. Anna's favorite things of 2018:
Jane the Virgin. A melodramatic telenovela that invokes fantasies of beautiful Latin American men.
Magnificent Mrs. Maisel. A smart, fun, empowering Prime original that invokes fantasies of starting my career as a comedian who makes smart quips about dating and corporate America.
Ballers. Sex and the City for men that invokes fantasies of being an athlete.
Okay. Clearly, this is just going to be a list of my Netflix binge queue. I have a newfound respect for Oprah. Maybe she does deserve a magazine with her face on the cover every month. But seriously, how many magazine cover poses does one woman have? New life goal: I begin a magazine called the Dome with a different dome pic every month.
7. Stop telling myself I'm going to floss. I'm not a flosser. I need to accept that.
8. Finally, be brave. I participated in this personal branding workshop at the end of my time at Ross, and you had to choose three words you wanted to described you. Honestly, I forget the other two at the moment, but I remember brave. There are different levels of brave, and honestly, I don't think everything society calls brave is brave. For instance, face planting while attempting a backflip in a conference room could be considered unbridled bravery or utter stupidity - it's all about framing. There are constructive forms of bravery, though. The bravery to discuss taboo topics, to confront your own issues, to create original solutions, to love radically, whether or not that is reciprocated, to trust and hope continually. In a position where it is easy to be comfortable, it is those who are brave enough to choose discomfort that affect growth. Cheers to 2019, y'all! As always, let's kick some ass.
* No, I didn't get tan.
1. Moonlight. By contract, I'm not allowed to have a second source of income, so this will be pro bono. Office ping pong lessons. I already have one client, and it's great. I feel like I'm teaching tennis again, running drills: "crosscourt, crosscourt, down the line. Now go for the kill!" I'm currently accepting students for spring sessions.
2. Ride the bus. Not the drinking game. The actual bus. When the commute is over a mile, I default to Lyft, because it's easy and saves a bit of time. Plus, after mastering the New York subway, I'm slightly intimidated by the bus system. However, I don't need to spend ten dollars to get somewhere when I could get there for free. This resolution began yesterday. The bus was an eclectic bunch, and when a group of lively elderly folks hopped on, the guy beside me informed me he "had too many mushrooms for this bus ride." To which I responded, "Or maybe, it was the perfect amount." We were both going to watch the Seahawks, though he's been on too many hallucinogens this year to follow the team. He told of the merits of DMX - or DSW - or some acronym with a D. Apparently, it was the drug Moses was smoking (consuming?) on the top of the mountain when he brought down the Ten Commandments, and the drug our body ejects as we die which causes people who are revived to reference an out-of-body experience. He suggested I try. I laughed at the ridiculousness of the situation. He gave me his number. And there's my dating update, everyone. I'm pumped to ride the bus; I think I'll get some great material.
3. Don't look at page views of my blog posts. It's easy to do, especially since my default page is the stats page, but I find it affects my perception of what I wrote. For inquiring minds, blogs about dates get a lot more page views. I'm not writing this for anyone else, though. I'm writing for myself - and for the entire world when I eventually turn all these musings into a book.
4. Protest. Seems like the Seattle thing to do. My feud with Whole Foods rages on, so I think they will be my target despite the association with my current employer. The first time I didn't receive a bag with a handle, I excused it as poor operational efficiency. Little did I know it was part of a grander scheme to remove all handles from bags in the express lanes. I know what you're thinking: don't use the express lanes when your cart has fifty items or bring your own recyclable bags. That's not the point. The point is, if you are going to charge me $5/apple, then I want handles on every side of the bag. I want handles in places I didn't even know there could be handles. Even Walgreens has handles on its bags, but Whole Foods is trying to save fractions of a penny by removing handles in a store location that serves people in downtown Seattle, the majority of whom have to walk back to their homes, cradling their bags as if they were babies. My sign's going to read, "This sign would be a lot more difficult to hold without a handle."
5. Swipe less. Up, down, left, right. I find my phone is often a means to pass idle time in a completely unproductive manner, and while I love a good barstoolsports humiliating video, it adds very little to my life. I think there is something to be said for the ability to be quiet and still, without any sort of stimulation. Plus, I have plenty of thoughts to occupy that time.
6. Create Anna's favorite things. Amazon has a featured section called Oprah's favorite things. How is Oprah's opinion still relevant? In the past twenty years, has no one been able to establish a more credible sense of taste than Oprah? Maybe she was relevant during the cupcake craze of '05, but come on. Even that I find hard to believe, because I could have told you cupcakes were good when I was ten. Then Oprah says, "the ratio of icing to cake is appropriate (duh) and people believe she's discovered something revolutionary."
To her credit, she's clearly very good at branding, and could I do much better? Let's try. Anna's favorite things of 2018:
Jane the Virgin. A melodramatic telenovela that invokes fantasies of beautiful Latin American men.
Magnificent Mrs. Maisel. A smart, fun, empowering Prime original that invokes fantasies of starting my career as a comedian who makes smart quips about dating and corporate America.
Ballers. Sex and the City for men that invokes fantasies of being an athlete.
Okay. Clearly, this is just going to be a list of my Netflix binge queue. I have a newfound respect for Oprah. Maybe she does deserve a magazine with her face on the cover every month. But seriously, how many magazine cover poses does one woman have? New life goal: I begin a magazine called the Dome with a different dome pic every month.
7. Stop telling myself I'm going to floss. I'm not a flosser. I need to accept that.
8. Finally, be brave. I participated in this personal branding workshop at the end of my time at Ross, and you had to choose three words you wanted to described you. Honestly, I forget the other two at the moment, but I remember brave. There are different levels of brave, and honestly, I don't think everything society calls brave is brave. For instance, face planting while attempting a backflip in a conference room could be considered unbridled bravery or utter stupidity - it's all about framing. There are constructive forms of bravery, though. The bravery to discuss taboo topics, to confront your own issues, to create original solutions, to love radically, whether or not that is reciprocated, to trust and hope continually. In a position where it is easy to be comfortable, it is those who are brave enough to choose discomfort that affect growth. Cheers to 2019, y'all! As always, let's kick some ass.
* No, I didn't get tan.
Saturday, December 22, 2018
My Family Christmas Card
I know, I know - you wanted dome postcard sent to you. Next year. I wasn't on top of it this year.
For as long as I can remember, my parents have sent a Christmas letter. It's full of career updates, marriages, birth announcements. They have five kids, after all, so something is always going on. My dad does a great job of sharing updates without being fake, and he always shares some Christmas message at the end. This year, the Christmas card was a sweet picture of Mom and Dad with their seven grandchildren, but I missed the family update, because our family is doing so much.
Julie and Jeromy had their first baby this year. It was a hard, heart breaking journey, but they persevered, grew stronger together, grew stronger in their faith, and were blessed with a little angel, Eloise Joy. Eloise means warrior, and she is their warrior of joy, a perfect marriage of their personalities. At ten months, she has the social acumen of Julie, and the curiosity of Jeromy. Julie is exploring new career opportunities while enjoying motherhood, and Jeromy is thriving in his role, but, more exciting (for us at least), is in the process of obtaining his green card.
Gail and Mitch continue to push their boundaries, raising four strong children while building an ice cream empire. Mitch was honored as a high school football coach, which is much deserved, because every day, he helps form strong young mean. Together, Gail and he extend the boundaries of an ice cream shop, creating an atmosphere where community is built. The impact is beyond satisfied indulgences, evidenced by the fact that they won the best ice cream in Cleveland for the second year. Their passion and drive extends to their children, whether it's Caleb coming into his own as a quarterback or Bri pushing herself to be one of the top swimmers in the state. And the younger ones, they're so fun to see grow.
Lydia and Will are enjoying Columbus, though they miss the Redding Terminal donuts in Philadelphia. They started their own ice cream truck business this year, and it has made them stronger as a family. They are learning one another's strengths and positively impacting their community. Mabel is growing into a beautiful young lady who loves to hunt with her father and read with her mother. And Ida is a charismatic firecracker who shares her mother's flair for the dramatic. It's funny how siblings can have such different personalities, and yet, I understand that, because there are five of us, and we are all so different.
Philip and Courtny continue to make one another laugh. They have had a couple amazing trips together this year which are documented in creative wonder via lip syncing and talented photography. Currently, they are working in reporting and marketing in Virginia, and they are both navigating their next steps in life together. While that path is not exactly clear yet, we know they will do great things.
As for Anna, she's doing alright. She graduated with her MBA in May, and she started her role at Amazon in July - folks, if you are in in the market for a chassis, search Amazon! They have it. She is conflicted when Michigan and Ohio State play one another, so we have considered cutting her out of the family update; thankfully, we are gracious. She is enjoying Seattle, and she is so grateful for the opportunity to build new friendships and strengthen those of the past. While she deeply misses being near family, she is blown away by the number of close relationships she has with people she has known for a relatively short amount of time. For that matter, she's blown away by the people she has met throughout her adult life that continue to walk with her through celebrations, through heartbreak, through good and hard times, and who have taught her that life is this beautiful little story with an unpredictable end and who have offered practical advice that helps her along the way. More than that, she's grateful for the people who make her feel like family, because that's the most important thing to her.
Mom and Dad are doing well. Dad coached his grandson's baseball team, and the players vastly improved. Mom continued to stand by each of her children and give her heart to those around her. They also helped their daughter navigate another move to a different, and without them, she would have been lost.
This year's been a hard one for the family - one for the books. Yet, it's proven many things we knew all along. We are strong. We decide to love and stand by one when another, even when it's difficult. We communicate and work through our struggles. And at the end of the day, we will always be family, and nothing compares to that bond. And we all love to laugh.
I love Christmas carols, because when you really listen to the lyrics, they're powerful. I don't know if it qualifies as a carol, but Come Thou Fount is on Sufjan Stevens Christmas album, so that's close enough. The final verse reads: "O to grace how great a debtor, daily I'm constrained to be. Let that goodness like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to thee. Prone to wander, Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love. Here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above."
What an apt picture of the human condition. Without grace, we are broken. The Christmas message, no matter your belief, is about grace. For others, and for yourself. For me, it's about recognizing that while I am prone to wander, the Lord is there, and he is continuing to weave an intricate story that positively impacts those around me, builds me, and glorifies Him. Why wouldn't I want to be chained to that? As for my heart, the more life I live, the more I recognize that there is one consistency, and that is the unwavering love of God. That's what Christmas means to me this year.
For as long as I can remember, my parents have sent a Christmas letter. It's full of career updates, marriages, birth announcements. They have five kids, after all, so something is always going on. My dad does a great job of sharing updates without being fake, and he always shares some Christmas message at the end. This year, the Christmas card was a sweet picture of Mom and Dad with their seven grandchildren, but I missed the family update, because our family is doing so much.
Julie and Jeromy had their first baby this year. It was a hard, heart breaking journey, but they persevered, grew stronger together, grew stronger in their faith, and were blessed with a little angel, Eloise Joy. Eloise means warrior, and she is their warrior of joy, a perfect marriage of their personalities. At ten months, she has the social acumen of Julie, and the curiosity of Jeromy. Julie is exploring new career opportunities while enjoying motherhood, and Jeromy is thriving in his role, but, more exciting (for us at least), is in the process of obtaining his green card.
Gail and Mitch continue to push their boundaries, raising four strong children while building an ice cream empire. Mitch was honored as a high school football coach, which is much deserved, because every day, he helps form strong young mean. Together, Gail and he extend the boundaries of an ice cream shop, creating an atmosphere where community is built. The impact is beyond satisfied indulgences, evidenced by the fact that they won the best ice cream in Cleveland for the second year. Their passion and drive extends to their children, whether it's Caleb coming into his own as a quarterback or Bri pushing herself to be one of the top swimmers in the state. And the younger ones, they're so fun to see grow.
Lydia and Will are enjoying Columbus, though they miss the Redding Terminal donuts in Philadelphia. They started their own ice cream truck business this year, and it has made them stronger as a family. They are learning one another's strengths and positively impacting their community. Mabel is growing into a beautiful young lady who loves to hunt with her father and read with her mother. And Ida is a charismatic firecracker who shares her mother's flair for the dramatic. It's funny how siblings can have such different personalities, and yet, I understand that, because there are five of us, and we are all so different.
Philip and Courtny continue to make one another laugh. They have had a couple amazing trips together this year which are documented in creative wonder via lip syncing and talented photography. Currently, they are working in reporting and marketing in Virginia, and they are both navigating their next steps in life together. While that path is not exactly clear yet, we know they will do great things.
As for Anna, she's doing alright. She graduated with her MBA in May, and she started her role at Amazon in July - folks, if you are in in the market for a chassis, search Amazon! They have it. She is conflicted when Michigan and Ohio State play one another, so we have considered cutting her out of the family update; thankfully, we are gracious. She is enjoying Seattle, and she is so grateful for the opportunity to build new friendships and strengthen those of the past. While she deeply misses being near family, she is blown away by the number of close relationships she has with people she has known for a relatively short amount of time. For that matter, she's blown away by the people she has met throughout her adult life that continue to walk with her through celebrations, through heartbreak, through good and hard times, and who have taught her that life is this beautiful little story with an unpredictable end and who have offered practical advice that helps her along the way. More than that, she's grateful for the people who make her feel like family, because that's the most important thing to her.
Mom and Dad are doing well. Dad coached his grandson's baseball team, and the players vastly improved. Mom continued to stand by each of her children and give her heart to those around her. They also helped their daughter navigate another move to a different, and without them, she would have been lost.
This year's been a hard one for the family - one for the books. Yet, it's proven many things we knew all along. We are strong. We decide to love and stand by one when another, even when it's difficult. We communicate and work through our struggles. And at the end of the day, we will always be family, and nothing compares to that bond. And we all love to laugh.
I love Christmas carols, because when you really listen to the lyrics, they're powerful. I don't know if it qualifies as a carol, but Come Thou Fount is on Sufjan Stevens Christmas album, so that's close enough. The final verse reads: "O to grace how great a debtor, daily I'm constrained to be. Let that goodness like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to thee. Prone to wander, Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love. Here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above."
What an apt picture of the human condition. Without grace, we are broken. The Christmas message, no matter your belief, is about grace. For others, and for yourself. For me, it's about recognizing that while I am prone to wander, the Lord is there, and he is continuing to weave an intricate story that positively impacts those around me, builds me, and glorifies Him. Why wouldn't I want to be chained to that? As for my heart, the more life I live, the more I recognize that there is one consistency, and that is the unwavering love of God. That's what Christmas means to me this year.
Sunday, December 16, 2018
They Call Me Auto Ana
They don't. Not yet, at least.
The trip to the annual SEMA/AAPEX automotive conference began on a plane next to a woman in desperate need of a chat. Her friend had passed after having a stroke at the age of 95, sitting at a club, drinking a vodka cranberry, surrounded by friends. They were returning to Vegas to sprinkle her ashes across the strip. As weird as that may sound, I’m sure ashes of loved ones aren’t the most disgusting particles on the strip. What a way to go. What a legacy. A modern-day heroine.
Speaking of modern-day heroines, I have successfully partially rebranded myself as Ana, which I consider quite an accomplishment.* I’m my own largest barrier in this endeavor, because I sometimes forget to introduce myself with the appropriate accent. I think the foreign sound of Ana Navatsyk conjures connotations of German engineering, making me more endearing to my automotive colleagues.
As if I need any help being endearing. I have my father to thank for pontificating over high school football, giving me the easiest ice breaker while talking to the CEO of a manufacturing company based in the Midwest. His son had the state championship winning catch in 2010. Of course, if high school football isn’t relatable, there are always college allegiances, professional allegiances, and, though not as strong yet, undercar replacement parts.
The last time I was in Vegas for a conference was AWS re:Invent with VividCortex. In both cases, I had very little experience with the subject matter of the conference. Maybe one day I’ll go to a conference where I’m an expert – where’s the conference for awkward encounters and embarrassing moments like realizing your shirt has come unbuttoned in the middle of a presentation? I’d run that show. Shockingly, both tech and auto shows were heavily skewed toward males, though I have been told on multiple occasions I'm more masculine than most men, which I choose to take as a compliment. One evening, I dined with eleven men, during which one joked that he was going to take a picture and send it to HR for the diversity portfolio. I ordered the filet Oscar, obviously. And crushed it.
Much like tech conferences, there are two delineations of participants – the back end and front end engineers; the aftermarket and performance manufacturers. The back end and aftermarket are purists, the backbone of the industry. The front end and performance are easy on the eyes, design focused, at times, even flashy. And somewhere in the crowd, diligently taking notes and nodding her head, hoping that her glasses make her appear knowledgeable, I’m learning the function of a query or a tie rod.**
Some things were different, though. Last time, my co-worker was talking me off a ledge over a bloomin’ onion at Outback. I returned home, spent $900 on a GMAT study guide, and threw myself into a contingency plan. This time, I spent four nights out with co-workers, during which no one found out my high school nickname – it’s still a secret, y’all! – didn’t have to explain what my company did – except to those manufacturers that still don’t think Amazon is the greatest company on earth, and ate my yearly quota of filets – though I did miss the bloomin’ onion.
While life looks different than it did three years ago, some things are unchanged. I spent the weekend after the conference in Napa, winery-hopping and chatting with friends. If those three years have embedded any truths, they are these: God will always be faithful, even when you don’t understand how, family will always be family, even when they feel distant, people will always be worth the investment, except when they’re not, and wine will always be delicious*. And if I pass into that other world, sipping wine with good friends, then I have lived a good life. And you can sprinkle my ashes across a vineyard.
*I'm also trying to brand myself as a heroine.
**That's right. I know the function of both a chassis and a tie rod.
*Unless it’s corked.
The trip to the annual SEMA/AAPEX automotive conference began on a plane next to a woman in desperate need of a chat. Her friend had passed after having a stroke at the age of 95, sitting at a club, drinking a vodka cranberry, surrounded by friends. They were returning to Vegas to sprinkle her ashes across the strip. As weird as that may sound, I’m sure ashes of loved ones aren’t the most disgusting particles on the strip. What a way to go. What a legacy. A modern-day heroine.
Speaking of modern-day heroines, I have successfully partially rebranded myself as Ana, which I consider quite an accomplishment.* I’m my own largest barrier in this endeavor, because I sometimes forget to introduce myself with the appropriate accent. I think the foreign sound of Ana Navatsyk conjures connotations of German engineering, making me more endearing to my automotive colleagues.
As if I need any help being endearing. I have my father to thank for pontificating over high school football, giving me the easiest ice breaker while talking to the CEO of a manufacturing company based in the Midwest. His son had the state championship winning catch in 2010. Of course, if high school football isn’t relatable, there are always college allegiances, professional allegiances, and, though not as strong yet, undercar replacement parts.
The last time I was in Vegas for a conference was AWS re:Invent with VividCortex. In both cases, I had very little experience with the subject matter of the conference. Maybe one day I’ll go to a conference where I’m an expert – where’s the conference for awkward encounters and embarrassing moments like realizing your shirt has come unbuttoned in the middle of a presentation? I’d run that show. Shockingly, both tech and auto shows were heavily skewed toward males, though I have been told on multiple occasions I'm more masculine than most men, which I choose to take as a compliment. One evening, I dined with eleven men, during which one joked that he was going to take a picture and send it to HR for the diversity portfolio. I ordered the filet Oscar, obviously. And crushed it.
Much like tech conferences, there are two delineations of participants – the back end and front end engineers; the aftermarket and performance manufacturers. The back end and aftermarket are purists, the backbone of the industry. The front end and performance are easy on the eyes, design focused, at times, even flashy. And somewhere in the crowd, diligently taking notes and nodding her head, hoping that her glasses make her appear knowledgeable, I’m learning the function of a query or a tie rod.**
Some things were different, though. Last time, my co-worker was talking me off a ledge over a bloomin’ onion at Outback. I returned home, spent $900 on a GMAT study guide, and threw myself into a contingency plan. This time, I spent four nights out with co-workers, during which no one found out my high school nickname – it’s still a secret, y’all! – didn’t have to explain what my company did – except to those manufacturers that still don’t think Amazon is the greatest company on earth, and ate my yearly quota of filets – though I did miss the bloomin’ onion.
While life looks different than it did three years ago, some things are unchanged. I spent the weekend after the conference in Napa, winery-hopping and chatting with friends. If those three years have embedded any truths, they are these: God will always be faithful, even when you don’t understand how, family will always be family, even when they feel distant, people will always be worth the investment, except when they’re not, and wine will always be delicious*. And if I pass into that other world, sipping wine with good friends, then I have lived a good life. And you can sprinkle my ashes across a vineyard.
*I'm also trying to brand myself as a heroine.
**That's right. I know the function of both a chassis and a tie rod.
*Unless it’s corked.
Tuesday, November 20, 2018
Happy Thanksgiving, Grandpa!
November 20th is always a bittersweet day. Eighteen years ago, my Grandpa passed away after a four year battle with prostate cancer. I started to write that the cancer took so much from him, as cancer does. After all, it took his physical strength. Ultimately, his life. But then I stopped, because that was all it took. In the four years and countless nights I spent on his couch, I never once saw it affect his spirit. His laugh may have been softer, but it was hearty. His arms may have been black and blue from blood transfusions, but his veins ran red with resilience. His hugs may have been weaker, but they were full of love. The type of love that brightens every grand daughter's smile and reminds her she will always have a safe haven. The type of love Grandma still talks about.
Of course, November 20th always falls around Thanksgiving, and every year, when I reflect on Grandpa's passing, I'm reminded how blessed I am. He was a coal miner, and he moved his family to Ohio so they could have better. He and his wife raised four wonderful children (though his wife would say she did most of the raising and may question how wonderful they are from time to time), one of whom I'm lucky enough to call my dad, a man who is excited to pray with me every morning on the way to work. A man who said the other day, "Anna, if your Grandpa could see you, he wouldn't believe it."
I hope that's the case, but Grandpa set a really high standard. He didn't live his life for himself; he lived it for his family, for those around him. Because of that, I've had the opportunities that I've had. How do I follow in his footsteps and serve others who haven't been given those same opportunities? That's a really big question, and it's one I'm not fully prepared to answer, except that I think it's this lifelong pursuit with a whole lot of missteps. I do know this. If my life is centered around me, rather than others, and ultimately Jesus, I will accomplish much less.
This Thanksgiving, I'm grateful for so much. The strong friendships that were built in business school over such a short period of time, but that will not be quickly lost. This job with so many smart people that allows me the opportunity to showcase both my ping pong and pie-eating skills. The people I've met who have made the transition much easier. And as always, more than anything, I'm grateful for a family who reminds me the value of persevering through adversity and of loving those around you selflessly. With that, I'm going to spend Thanksgiving eating food other people have made for me. No worries, though, I'll bring the wine. And a whole lot of laughter.
Of course, November 20th always falls around Thanksgiving, and every year, when I reflect on Grandpa's passing, I'm reminded how blessed I am. He was a coal miner, and he moved his family to Ohio so they could have better. He and his wife raised four wonderful children (though his wife would say she did most of the raising and may question how wonderful they are from time to time), one of whom I'm lucky enough to call my dad, a man who is excited to pray with me every morning on the way to work. A man who said the other day, "Anna, if your Grandpa could see you, he wouldn't believe it."
I hope that's the case, but Grandpa set a really high standard. He didn't live his life for himself; he lived it for his family, for those around him. Because of that, I've had the opportunities that I've had. How do I follow in his footsteps and serve others who haven't been given those same opportunities? That's a really big question, and it's one I'm not fully prepared to answer, except that I think it's this lifelong pursuit with a whole lot of missteps. I do know this. If my life is centered around me, rather than others, and ultimately Jesus, I will accomplish much less.
This Thanksgiving, I'm grateful for so much. The strong friendships that were built in business school over such a short period of time, but that will not be quickly lost. This job with so many smart people that allows me the opportunity to showcase both my ping pong and pie-eating skills. The people I've met who have made the transition much easier. And as always, more than anything, I'm grateful for a family who reminds me the value of persevering through adversity and of loving those around you selflessly. With that, I'm going to spend Thanksgiving eating food other people have made for me. No worries, though, I'll bring the wine. And a whole lot of laughter.
Friday, October 19, 2018
Friday Night Musings
Hi friend! Happy Friday. I just put banana bread in the oven, Gregory Alan Isakov is serenading me, and the dusk light is fringing the mountainous horizon*. I'm eating pizza from Whole Foods. I love their pizza, and since it's from Whole Foods, I tell myself it's healthy. I'm not sure if that's true, but it's definitely expensive. Seriously, I just spent $118 on a slice of pizza and ingredients for banana bread. Maybe some wine. Of course, I opted to bake the paleo banana bread which reminded me why I stopped eating paleo. It's not economically practical. The best part was that after I learned my total was $118, the cashier put my items into two bags with no handles. "Is two bags okay?" he asked. "Well, that depends. Are you walking half a mile back to your home, and did you just pay your day's wages for a slice of pizza? I think I've earned two bags with handles, please." "Of course. Sorry, we've run out of stock, but I'll find you a couple." Looks like Amazon's efficient operations still has some work to do with Whole Foods.
Speaking of Amazon - I'm still working there. In fact, the highlight of my time was probably this morning when I turned on my computer to this image:
As one would expect, I especially kicked ass today.
My ping pong game's improving. At RKG, I was a straight singles player, but my doubles game is developing, and I think I'm coming into my own as a partner. I need to bring a pair of ping pong shoes to work, because my mobility is extremely limited in my boots. It's Q4, so the response de jour is, "I'm really slammed with Q4." I sometimes wonder the root of the stress as I'm simultaneously wondering what song we should lip sync to win the office battle. Is it real, is it manufactured, is it necessary, is it group think? This happened a lot in business school. Everyone around you was stressed, so you were stressed, sometimes warranted, but most of the time because you had FOMO if you weren't stressed. I'm very grateful to say that work is not stressful for me. Part of that is my nature, but a bigger part of that is the team and the leadership. At any company, the team dictates your experience, and when I came to Amazon, the only thing I prayed for was a team with great leadership. There will come a time when my work will necessarily cause me stress, and I will be grateful for that stress, but between you and me, I don't think it will be in retail. Chassis can only stress me out so much. That's right, folks, I know what a chassis is. Well, I don't really know what a chassis is, but I know how to pronounce it, and I know it exists. I've also decided to name my first born chassis, which is, I believe, gender neutral. Very progressive of me. I know, I know, I need a date first.
A number of people have asked me for a dating update, but I need to be clear. I can't disclose every date on my blog, otherwise, suitors will be terrified to go on a date with me. Of course, if they read my blog, they may not be pursuing me for other reasons - like the fear I'd make them take my last name. I love my last name and pseudo-Polish heritage, but I wouldn't put anyone through the nuisance of spelling Navatsyk to a stranger. Mr. Smith, you can rest easy and ask me out, I will happily take your name.
All that said, I did get asked out tonight. A good friend of mine, Armin, once told me at a bar, that all I needed to do to pick up guys was sit at the bar and stare off into space, looking a little lost and confused. He's not wrong. I accepted the experiment. Within five minutes, I had three guys approach me and try to spark a conversation. However, I think an even better way to pick up guys is to go to a bar alone on a Sunday to watch football. Don't be mistaken; I don't go to pick up guys. I go to watch all three mediocre fantasy lineups perform below expectation and occasionally argue if OBJ is worth his asinine contract. Then, somewhere in the middle of this, I get someone's life story. Like two weeks ago, when the guy next to me told me that two of his closest friends had passed away in the past year under the age of forty - one from falling down a crevice while skiing Mount Rainier, and the other from a brain aneurism. We passed way beyond OBJ at this point, and, frankly, the fact that the bartender kept refilling my mimosa without me asking left me ill-equipped to engage in this level of conversation.
Anyways... the date. I didn't go. With so much newness, it's sometimes hard to convince yourself you want to adjust to something else that's new. Even if it's only on a Friday night, because that Friday night is sacred, and it's no one else's but your own. Plus, I have to wake up at 8 am tomorrow to watch the Michigan/MSU game and drink mimosas. Ahh the struggles of the West Coast sports viewing.
Dating's tricky. Because sometimes you're on that side of it, and sometimes, you're on the other. I guess, the hope is, eventually, you meet someone who's on the same side. Or you start recording the stories of everyone you meet sitting at a bar on a Sunday.
Football, not as tricky. It's pure, especially in high school. I just sat on the edge of my seat, reading my mother's texts, recounting the Chardon/Kenston matchup. Kenston was ranked number one in the state. My brother-in-law, Mitch, is the head coach of Chardon football, and my dad has helped coach for as long as I can remember - I believe 24 years at this point. This game was huge. If they won, they made the playoffs after a rocky start, and if they lost, they were out. Mitch is intense. I've always loved his intensity. He talks about softness a lot. He hates softness. At the beginning of this year, he was interviewed, and he referenced war. "I want to find the guys who I can take to battle, who I want with me in the trenches." Of course, war may be a bit of an exaggeration, because there have been wars, and these boys aren't in a war. But if you've ever seen a young team win THAT game, you get it. You feel that passion, that grit, that leadership, that camaraderie, and that community that stands behind them. Maybe it's just because I grew up in this town where football was king, but that moment is so special.
O, that town. I'll never stop missing it. I'll never stop missing my nieces and nephews, Sunday dinners, my parents and siblings, the Midwest spirit. But three months into my new home, I'm feeling mostly settled. I'm figuring out the people I want with me in the trenches*. I'm figuring out the balance between the different facets of my life, though my screaming triceps would argue I still have some work to do. I'm figuring out how to confront my flaws and improve. Mostly, I'm continually learning that all of this takes time, and I need to be patient.
It's funny. Sometimes you think you're an adult. You think you're getting it together. Then you get back from Whole Foods, sit on the toilet, and realize the one thing that wasn't included in your $118 bill was toilet paper.
* I don't know if fringing is the right term, or if it's a verb, but I like it.
* I was going to say in my trenches, but I feel like that's inappropriate.
Speaking of Amazon - I'm still working there. In fact, the highlight of my time was probably this morning when I turned on my computer to this image:
As one would expect, I especially kicked ass today.
My ping pong game's improving. At RKG, I was a straight singles player, but my doubles game is developing, and I think I'm coming into my own as a partner. I need to bring a pair of ping pong shoes to work, because my mobility is extremely limited in my boots. It's Q4, so the response de jour is, "I'm really slammed with Q4." I sometimes wonder the root of the stress as I'm simultaneously wondering what song we should lip sync to win the office battle. Is it real, is it manufactured, is it necessary, is it group think? This happened a lot in business school. Everyone around you was stressed, so you were stressed, sometimes warranted, but most of the time because you had FOMO if you weren't stressed. I'm very grateful to say that work is not stressful for me. Part of that is my nature, but a bigger part of that is the team and the leadership. At any company, the team dictates your experience, and when I came to Amazon, the only thing I prayed for was a team with great leadership. There will come a time when my work will necessarily cause me stress, and I will be grateful for that stress, but between you and me, I don't think it will be in retail. Chassis can only stress me out so much. That's right, folks, I know what a chassis is. Well, I don't really know what a chassis is, but I know how to pronounce it, and I know it exists. I've also decided to name my first born chassis, which is, I believe, gender neutral. Very progressive of me. I know, I know, I need a date first.
A number of people have asked me for a dating update, but I need to be clear. I can't disclose every date on my blog, otherwise, suitors will be terrified to go on a date with me. Of course, if they read my blog, they may not be pursuing me for other reasons - like the fear I'd make them take my last name. I love my last name and pseudo-Polish heritage, but I wouldn't put anyone through the nuisance of spelling Navatsyk to a stranger. Mr. Smith, you can rest easy and ask me out, I will happily take your name.
All that said, I did get asked out tonight. A good friend of mine, Armin, once told me at a bar, that all I needed to do to pick up guys was sit at the bar and stare off into space, looking a little lost and confused. He's not wrong. I accepted the experiment. Within five minutes, I had three guys approach me and try to spark a conversation. However, I think an even better way to pick up guys is to go to a bar alone on a Sunday to watch football. Don't be mistaken; I don't go to pick up guys. I go to watch all three mediocre fantasy lineups perform below expectation and occasionally argue if OBJ is worth his asinine contract. Then, somewhere in the middle of this, I get someone's life story. Like two weeks ago, when the guy next to me told me that two of his closest friends had passed away in the past year under the age of forty - one from falling down a crevice while skiing Mount Rainier, and the other from a brain aneurism. We passed way beyond OBJ at this point, and, frankly, the fact that the bartender kept refilling my mimosa without me asking left me ill-equipped to engage in this level of conversation.
Anyways... the date. I didn't go. With so much newness, it's sometimes hard to convince yourself you want to adjust to something else that's new. Even if it's only on a Friday night, because that Friday night is sacred, and it's no one else's but your own. Plus, I have to wake up at 8 am tomorrow to watch the Michigan/MSU game and drink mimosas. Ahh the struggles of the West Coast sports viewing.
Dating's tricky. Because sometimes you're on that side of it, and sometimes, you're on the other. I guess, the hope is, eventually, you meet someone who's on the same side. Or you start recording the stories of everyone you meet sitting at a bar on a Sunday.
Football, not as tricky. It's pure, especially in high school. I just sat on the edge of my seat, reading my mother's texts, recounting the Chardon/Kenston matchup. Kenston was ranked number one in the state. My brother-in-law, Mitch, is the head coach of Chardon football, and my dad has helped coach for as long as I can remember - I believe 24 years at this point. This game was huge. If they won, they made the playoffs after a rocky start, and if they lost, they were out. Mitch is intense. I've always loved his intensity. He talks about softness a lot. He hates softness. At the beginning of this year, he was interviewed, and he referenced war. "I want to find the guys who I can take to battle, who I want with me in the trenches." Of course, war may be a bit of an exaggeration, because there have been wars, and these boys aren't in a war. But if you've ever seen a young team win THAT game, you get it. You feel that passion, that grit, that leadership, that camaraderie, and that community that stands behind them. Maybe it's just because I grew up in this town where football was king, but that moment is so special.
O, that town. I'll never stop missing it. I'll never stop missing my nieces and nephews, Sunday dinners, my parents and siblings, the Midwest spirit. But three months into my new home, I'm feeling mostly settled. I'm figuring out the people I want with me in the trenches*. I'm figuring out the balance between the different facets of my life, though my screaming triceps would argue I still have some work to do. I'm figuring out how to confront my flaws and improve. Mostly, I'm continually learning that all of this takes time, and I need to be patient.
It's funny. Sometimes you think you're an adult. You think you're getting it together. Then you get back from Whole Foods, sit on the toilet, and realize the one thing that wasn't included in your $118 bill was toilet paper.
* I don't know if fringing is the right term, or if it's a verb, but I like it.
* I was going to say in my trenches, but I feel like that's inappropriate.
Saturday, October 6, 2018
My Brunch Alone
Last Sunday, I went to brunch by myself. Brunch was such a ritual in Charlottesville. Sunday wasn't a day to work. It was a day to go to brunch, hit up a winery or two, take a nap, and then wake up ready to conquer the week, but somehow, I haven't found a brunch crew in Seattle yet. People run errands, watch Netflix all day, or do work. Weird - although I do get the Netflix. It will happen - I hope - but until then, I love going by myself, because there is no mood a mimosa, breakfast tacos, oldies, and people watching can't improve.
The bar at my favorite spot was full. Last time I had brunch, I sat next to two industry folks and had a great conversation about katen, or some supplement that acts as an upper in small doses but depressant comparable to heroine in large doses. Perhaps I should do errands, but I decided to wait. It only took a couple minutes, and I sat next to a woman who was also alone. She was returning from a women's conference in Houston and was about to begin a new role at Microsoft.
I asked about her transition. She talked about her new boss - how much she wanted to learn from her, how she inspired her. She talked about her old boss. She had heard she was aggressive, and she wondered if it was just because she was a woman, but after working for her, she realized the perception wasn't simply because she was a woman. She learned a lot, but she also learned what she didn't want to be as a leader.
I asked about her career, and she spoke about her experience in Africa. How going to another culture can make you learn so much more about your own, in all its strengths and weaknesses. The people in Africa, even with so little, were so happy because they were together, and because they had community. I always relate to that, because no matter how far I am from home, I think about the happiness of Grandma, who, not having much, has so much love for and from her family. I've never been driven by money or success - I've been driven by wanting to be the best version of myself and getting to a position I can give the most that I am able. That's taken me further from home than I would have liked, but I still carry those roots with me, and I'm so grateful I have them. America's amazing, but I think it's easy to get lost in the race and forget about those who have been with you from the beginning, or even not have people with you from the beginning, which is unfortunate.
I asked about her family on the east coast and if she missed them. She did, and she said if she didn't find someone here in the next couple years, she would move back, because there comes a point when you just have to decide to be close to family. I'm not at that point in my life, yet, but I understand that, too.
I asked about diversity. I loved how she spoke about it, because so often, you get a canned response that goes something like this: "We really want to emphasize not only diversity, but also inclusion. We want more women, more under-represented minorities, more members of the LBGTQ community." But the way she talked about it was so much more real and impactful. She said - and I'm paraphrasing, and probably inadvertantly inserting a bit of my own opinion - that's an easy place to start because it's obvious, but diversity is so much more. We want blue collar, and white collar, we want diversity of thought. Because you don't speak for every white, Christian female, and I don't speak for every black female, and if we simply leave it at that, we're selling ourselves short. She said they hadn't figured out, but they were working on it.
I asked about dating in Seattle. She laughed and said it's terrible. She talked about her date with a man who had a foot fettish. Or the one who had no drive to be anything beyond what he currently was. She told me it was going to be particularly hard if I wanted to find a fellow Christian. I chuckled.
I asked about work life balance, and if people, especially women, found it difficult to move up in the company once they had children. That answer was a little harder to interpret, but I believe the essence of her answer was that if they wanted to move up, they weren't inhibited.
Earlier that day, I had gone to church. I'm a greeter, because I figure it's a good way to keep me accountable and potentially meet some people. The ice breaker that was asked was what are we passionate about. I thought about it until it was my turn, and my answer was, I'm passionate about people. All of them. Because people are so interesting and so insightful in different ways.
I don't like consuming a lot of media. I think it's often hopeless and focused on the negative, because that's sensational. But I love going to brunch, because of all the times I've gone to brunch alone, I haven't met one person who has left me hopeless. Instead, the fascinating people, those I will likely never see again, give me hope that people care about something. That they sincerely desire to improve the state of those aspects they can impact. That drives me to try the same.
The bar at my favorite spot was full. Last time I had brunch, I sat next to two industry folks and had a great conversation about katen, or some supplement that acts as an upper in small doses but depressant comparable to heroine in large doses. Perhaps I should do errands, but I decided to wait. It only took a couple minutes, and I sat next to a woman who was also alone. She was returning from a women's conference in Houston and was about to begin a new role at Microsoft.
I asked about her transition. She talked about her new boss - how much she wanted to learn from her, how she inspired her. She talked about her old boss. She had heard she was aggressive, and she wondered if it was just because she was a woman, but after working for her, she realized the perception wasn't simply because she was a woman. She learned a lot, but she also learned what she didn't want to be as a leader.
I asked about her career, and she spoke about her experience in Africa. How going to another culture can make you learn so much more about your own, in all its strengths and weaknesses. The people in Africa, even with so little, were so happy because they were together, and because they had community. I always relate to that, because no matter how far I am from home, I think about the happiness of Grandma, who, not having much, has so much love for and from her family. I've never been driven by money or success - I've been driven by wanting to be the best version of myself and getting to a position I can give the most that I am able. That's taken me further from home than I would have liked, but I still carry those roots with me, and I'm so grateful I have them. America's amazing, but I think it's easy to get lost in the race and forget about those who have been with you from the beginning, or even not have people with you from the beginning, which is unfortunate.
I asked about her family on the east coast and if she missed them. She did, and she said if she didn't find someone here in the next couple years, she would move back, because there comes a point when you just have to decide to be close to family. I'm not at that point in my life, yet, but I understand that, too.
I asked about diversity. I loved how she spoke about it, because so often, you get a canned response that goes something like this: "We really want to emphasize not only diversity, but also inclusion. We want more women, more under-represented minorities, more members of the LBGTQ community." But the way she talked about it was so much more real and impactful. She said - and I'm paraphrasing, and probably inadvertantly inserting a bit of my own opinion - that's an easy place to start because it's obvious, but diversity is so much more. We want blue collar, and white collar, we want diversity of thought. Because you don't speak for every white, Christian female, and I don't speak for every black female, and if we simply leave it at that, we're selling ourselves short. She said they hadn't figured out, but they were working on it.
I asked about dating in Seattle. She laughed and said it's terrible. She talked about her date with a man who had a foot fettish. Or the one who had no drive to be anything beyond what he currently was. She told me it was going to be particularly hard if I wanted to find a fellow Christian. I chuckled.
I asked about work life balance, and if people, especially women, found it difficult to move up in the company once they had children. That answer was a little harder to interpret, but I believe the essence of her answer was that if they wanted to move up, they weren't inhibited.
Earlier that day, I had gone to church. I'm a greeter, because I figure it's a good way to keep me accountable and potentially meet some people. The ice breaker that was asked was what are we passionate about. I thought about it until it was my turn, and my answer was, I'm passionate about people. All of them. Because people are so interesting and so insightful in different ways.
I don't like consuming a lot of media. I think it's often hopeless and focused on the negative, because that's sensational. But I love going to brunch, because of all the times I've gone to brunch alone, I haven't met one person who has left me hopeless. Instead, the fascinating people, those I will likely never see again, give me hope that people care about something. That they sincerely desire to improve the state of those aspects they can impact. That drives me to try the same.
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