The Plight of an Extrovert

Don't worry all you sensitive introverts* out there, I'm not saying my life is harder because I'm an extrovert. In fact, I don't really love the delineation to begin with and generally question the value of personality tests. A topic for another time. I did, however, like the distinction I heard one time: extroverts use other people to recharge and reenergize, whereas introverts reenergize by being alone. Anyone who has known me for more than ten minutes knows I'm an extrovert. I would like to take a moment to clarify that getting your energy from other people does not mean you love being in a crowded room with strangers. It means when I want to wind down and decompress and get ready for the next day, I want to do it with someone else I know well and who knows me well.

My cooking schedule's been super off since starting work. I can't seem to get in a routine, so I tried HelloFresh. I'm only a week in, but I have to say, I like it so far. They take care of the ingredients, I take care of the cooking, and because I'm only cooking for myself, I have some leftovers for lunch. The recipes aren't too fancy, but they're tasty. I put on a playlist I haven't listened to in ages, and Boys of Fall came on. Four years ago, I wrote this blog post about the Boys of Fall. I had just moved into a new apartment in Charlottesville, was in the middle of a job transition, and was sitting at my kitchen table, enjoying the fall breeze and view of the mountains.

Here I am, in a new apartment, in the middle of a job transition, sitting at my kitchen table, enjoying the fall breeze and view of the mountains. This isn't about the Boys of Fall, though if you have ever watched Friday Night Lights and want the inside scoop, I suggest you read the post. This is about finding yourself in transition once again and remembering who you are in that. No matter how many times I do it - and I've done it a number of times - I forget how hard it is. You can do all you can to prepare, you can know this is where you are supposed to be and what you are supposed to be doing, and yet, when you get there, you fight the same battles you've fought before. Those battles are different for everyone, but for me, they've been pretty consistent: loneliness, uncertainty, the struggle to balance every aspect of my life, to not push myself too hard, patience with myself in figuring out a new job and a new city, embracing the waiting for the pieces of life to fall into place. Above all, trusting that they will.

And while you have people you know support you, in my case and in many others, you don't have your person. That person who's in your corner. Who knows you intimately. Who tells you you're a badass when you feel differently. Who pushes you, who encourages you, who builds you up and who calls you out when you need it. Who works hard at the relationship because they recognize it's worth it. Who makes you feel home when so much around is foreign. This isn't about that person. This is about remembering that I have been that for myself, and that I can be that for myself now and in the future.

I stayed in tonight for the first Friday in a very long time. I worked out, cooked, listened to music, drank wine, and wrote - my favorite things. I remembered I could recharge on my own, as well. And don't worry - tomorrow I have arranged a party bus for 35 people to visit Washington wine country, so my extravert will be more than satiated.

*not saying all introverts are sensitive, so don't be offended by that either.