Second, thank you for bearing with me through my latest introspective post. I discovered a contributing factor to the emotions spawning that post this morning. It was the same reason I spent most of last week glaring at co-workers during the day and relegated to my couch in the evening, craving all things edible. Today, I am going to remind you and myself I am able to write about casual experiences by relaying thoughts of a particular step in last week's quest for palette satiation.
Saturday evening, a friend and I ventured to the Corner to indulge in burgers, beer, and basketball. Boylan Heights is by far the best place to do so, as there are plenty of televisions, affordable yet tasty draft selections and waitresses donning Catholic school girl outfits complimented by glasses that may or may not be necessary. The most attractive aspect of the establishment, however, is this: the build your own burger menu.
Boylan Heights is certainly not the first to incorporate interaction beyond the standard, "May I take your order?". Buffets have been a staple in casinos for years. Omelet, nacho and salad bars have become popular in hotels, wedding receptions and Ruby Tuesday's. Fondue restaurants invite the guest to cook their own meats and control the chocolate ratio of a dipped strawberry. While these options are tasty and somewhat liberating for the diner, the build your own burger menu has three characteristics that I believe make it the preferred model for self-driven dining experiences.
1) The process involves little movement or effort. In the above scenarios, the guest is required to actively participate, walking from station to station and weighing the benefits of various courses. In the case of a buffet, the variety of cuisine can be overwhelming. One is always at risk of reaching the desired station only to find the food is near the bottom but not to the point of replenishment. Further, one cannot choose the ingredients of the cuisine. One is able to do so in the case of an omelet/salad/nacho bar but still must leave the comfort of the table, bumping elbows to attain the proper accoutrements.
While remaining seated throughout the fondue experience, one must cook meat to the proper temperature. As you know, I have been expanding my expertise in the kitchen, but I know my limitations. I do not take the texture of red meat lightly and prefer to leave the responsibility of cooking that meat in the deft hands of a professional.
What little work the build your own burger requires arguably enhances the experience. All I must do to indicate the desired ingredients is fill in bubbles. Each time I do so, I remember the simple days of college exams for which the extent of my preparation was twenty minutes. The beauty of this particular process is there is no wrong answer and I can drink a beer while doing so.
2) The guest has control of the ingredients, offering the ultimate culinary empowerment. Outside the limitations inherent to any kitchen, I am able to create whatever burger I would like. In a world where much is out of my control, it is lovely to sit at a table and know that if I do not want a tomato on my burger, the waitress will not look at me as though I am insulting the chef who so meticulously decided a tomato belongs on all burgers. I do not like tomatoes, no matter the spices incorporated. I just don't.
Each chef is able to expand the creative palette, choosing complimentary flavors, and each has a different strategy to do so. My friend and I both knew this would take a bit of time, so we put our conversation aside and began with basics. Red meat was an easy choice, and since this meal was decidedly indulgent, I chose the wheat bun as opposed to a burger bowl.
I believe the sauce sets the ultimate theme as cheese chosen to nestle between the bun will certainly differ if the sauce is pesto as opposed to buffalo. Of course, certain cheeses are so potent they may not require a sauce - goat cheese being one of them. I could fore go the sauce in efforts to cut superfluous calories but as previously stated - "decidedly indulgent."
I opted for sriracha mayo - hot. This theme may develop as the burger evolves, but it is best to begin simple. Spicy jack is an obvious cheese as it adds spice to the heat. I then venture to the right half of the page for additional vegetation. Grilled onions are a must. I cannot tolerate raw onions, but throw a little oil on them and they add the perfect crunch without an overpowering flavor. Jalapenos are an option, and once I have committed to the bubble, I realize my burger is becoming quite fiery. I continually vacillate regarding the value of lettuce, but in this case, it adds texture and a bit of relief for my tongue. A calculated decision, indeed.
It is then I look to the fancier fare section. Though avocado is $1.00 extra, it completes a perfectly balanced "Hawaiian flare*" burger; I am unopposed to the charge. At the end of the twenty minutes spent contemplating the perfect burger, I am ready to send my veritable masterpiece to the kitchen. I sip my Scrimshaw in satisfaction.
3) This is the most important aspect: after all the mental energy expended, the CHEF will view MY creation. I often imagine the reaction when the sheet is passed through the threshold. It parallels Ralphie's expectation of his teacher's response to the Red Ryder BB Gun essay. The chef will look at the masterful combination of flavors and textures and see it as truly inspired. There will be moans among staff as they imagine the burger melting in their mouths. Perhaps it will even be a special in coming months.
In reality, the cooks prepare my burger the same monotonous way every other custom burger is prepared, but I prefer the romanticized version - surprising, I know. Regardless of their reaction, the burger is placed before me. My mouth waters at every bite, and at the close of the meal, I leave with a full tummy and sense of accomplishment. O Boylan, you have satiated me on so many levels.
*Because it is hot with a cool breeze
As a side note, I began to calculate the number of burger combinations one could create. The starting point is approximately this:
4 burger options
4 bun options
10 cheeses
10 sauces
15 additions (up to three on a burger)
5 fancier fare
Unfortunately, I have been thrown off by the up to three option. There would be 15 ways to choose one, I believe 105 way to choose two, but I get hung up on the three. I want to say there are 475 ways. If so, then there are 595 for the additions to be combined. If one assumes you need to pick from each section, the math is easy. 8000*595. But then... what if someone does not want fancier far. Then we multiply 595*1600. No sauce - 595*800. No cheese - 595*800. No sauce or fancier fare - 595*160. No cheese or fancier fare - 595*160. No cheese or sauce - 595*80. No cheese, sauce, fancier fare - 595*16. No additions - 8000. No additions or cheese - 800. No additions or sauce - 800. No additions or fancier fare - 1600. No additions, cheese, sauce - 80. No additions, cheese, fancier fare - 160. No additions, sauce, fancier fare - 160. So our final calculation is something like...
8000*595 + 595*1600 + 2(595*800) + 2(595*160) + 595*80 + 595*16 + 8000 + 2(800) + 1600 + 2(160) + 80
6,923,120
Of course, it is only an approximation because I do not have the exact number in each section. Admittedly I probably spent too much time on that. And I probably missed something. But I had today half off and needed a mental challenge.
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